(no subject)

[loobee]

I just wanted to explain my stupid emo post and why I’m going away for a bit (well trying anyways)

On Friday my dog Kaneda had a stroke, since then I’ve been so upset as it was devastating seeing my baby like that. He’s not alright and won’t ever be and come Monday I’m scared to death I’m going to have to make the hardest choice I’ve ever made. After a call to my best friend and crying my eyes out I needed cheering up so went on AIM (hadn’t gone on for weeks) in hope someone would say hi and help me cheer up, well no one did and I get too shy to say hello back and pester people. So I waited and still no one said hello, and being upset already I got really down. 

It’s just that I feel I don’t belong anywhere and especially not in peoples groups of friends and I hate feeling like I'm pushing my way into them. Sorry I don't mean to. I know some trust me and I love that they do as I trust them so much too and of course I love you all dearly. I just wonder what it is that makes me unapproachable? Am I weird? I know I can be dull and shy; I’m trying so hard to get over that. But then again maybe my insecurities are why people avoid me and I’m so sorry. I wish I knew a way to get rid of them really.  I don't know what to do?

 
I’m an idiot loser and I don’t blame you for the Bwaaah!!! Cry moar you’re going to be thinking now. So I felt I should take a hiatus and just go away while I’m so down because come Monday I won't be in any state to do anything.

Thanks to the one person who asked how I was.

I'll be going away now D: I'll totally understand if you de-friend me.

Comments

[kyriesanctus.livejournal.com]

I'm so very sorry about your dog. I get scared whenever I hear about other people's dogs in trouble because it reminds me that mine is getting up there in age.. I can understand how you must feel. Hopefully, if they can't make him better, at least they may be able to ease his suffering until it's his time to pass on..

You know sometimes I completely understand your feeling about not belonging anywhere.. Especially lately, I feel that I'm some outsider with everyone. ^^; I wouldn't take it personally if no one IMs you, though. I have a buddy list of over 50 people and of all of those, only 2 ever IM me.. I'm sure if they knew you were feeling down they would have talked to you.. (Sometimes, you have to seek the attention you want, you know? ^^; It's not always automatic.)

And.. I wouldn't ever defriend you for something like that.. And anyone who does is a crappy person and doesn't deserve you.

[loobeeinthesky.livejournal.com]

Thank you ♥ I’m actually glad you understand as some don’t realise that our pets are our family so losing them is very hard. The vet said to keep and eye on him for 48 hours (which is why I’m on the computer playing PW as I’m staying up with him) to see if he changes, she can give him steroids but it’s sadly not a cure. I knew he was an old man but it was just so sudden, he was running around all day :(

I’m really sorry you feel that way too. It’s a feeling I hate especially surrounded by really good friends, I sometimes wonder why I think it? Because you guys don’t deserve that kind of mentality. I only get 1 person talking to me, on AIM or by email (but as it’s Ciara that’s like having 100 friends XD), which is my fault for being so darned shy. I now feel really silly because yeah it is my fault for not saying ‘hi’ in the first place, like I said to Akane they didn’t know I was upset. I feel really bad for writing what I did but I always try to tell the truth and not hide behind a lie, even if the truth is me being stupidly insecure.

I know I just feel such an idiot for thinking that way. I don’t deserve people being so nice to me after such a stupid post. Thank you again :)